One Year And Counting...

What do you do on an anniversary like this? It's been one year since I heard those words..breast cancer. Do you get a cake and balloons, or perhaps there's a hallmark card, they make cards for every occasions. Maybe going out to dinner and toasting to the one year, the one year that you lived hoping you weren't going to die.

I promised myself there was no looking back, no reminiscing fondly like you would of happy days gone past and old lovers. But, here I am doing just what I said I wouldn't, remembering the crap.

I'm not going to write some long recap of the year cause you all can read last years posting if you want to know how I felt or what happened. But, right now, I am going to celebrate my one year anniversary. It's not going to be with a cake or some sappy hallmark card.

So, here's to you cancer..you beat me down but I'm back up again. Care giver Kenny, who kepted me going through this all, always told me we'd look back and laugh at all of this. He was right, he's always right..NOT. He kept me going when I wanted to stop and he say..one year from now..you'll still be here.

Now I have my morning coffee and there's a fresh blanket of snow outside. The sun is coming up and it's another day. Another day to be thankful and to breath it all in...that's a celebration in my eyes.

Computer Age

Boy, what happened to the good old days?? Pictures where taken on a camera then the film was taken to get developed and you had pictures. There was also the cool Instamatic's where you took the picture, it popped out and you waved it in the air till the photo magically appeared..( those where oh so cool) I miss those days.

I have a camera that I thought was up to date cause it took pics on a thing called a floppy disk that I just inserted into my computer and "poof" there was the pic. No film, no processing and oh so with it. I used this thing for 10 years now and just recently I found out I was behind the times. Me, behind the times..hahahaha.

The camera failed on me, the floppy disk some how wouldn't load into the computer and I decided to "look" for another camera. So, off I go to Circuit City to "look" and "look" I did. Wow, my camera was in the stone age compared to the little (and I mean little) stuff they have now. I ended up going home with another Sony but it has 12.1 mega pixels and a shit load of other stuff I'll never use. The card, which holds the pictures, can hold up to 500 of them and is no bigger then my thumb nail. Not to mention it will do everything but take out the trash for me..hahah

Now.. the day before, I was burning some DVDs (don't ask me how I did that), which was for our car club. The DVD had 268 pictures and music from the entire year (2007) of our car club car shows. It was amazing how many pictures that old camera took but the quality wasn't so great. Anyway, after doing that for days, I decided to make those cool labels and jewel case covers with our car club logo on them. This should have been an easy project, easy for someone who knows what they are doing..lol

I went through twenty-one bucks of paper products just to find out that I didn't know what I was doing. Needless to say, that afternoon a new printer came into my life. Apparently, I had a stone age printer as well and I have one that will do everything but take out the trash.

It seems now that I am with it again but I still don't know what I am doing. I'm just going to hide under the covers for awhile and dream of the old days...wave me in the air till I develop

Happy New Year

Happy New Year!!! I can't believe another tax year is starting. You know, I never payed much attention to the new year. It's not Halloween or Christmas, it's just a start of another year. New start? or is it just a continuation of the past year?..Questions..questions..

I started taking down the Christmas stuff today which is always so depressing for me. And to top that off, tonight at 11pm..I'm off to work. I don't really want to go but I guess I have to pay the bills some how. It's been a good Christmas vacation for sure. I cooked, cleaned, cooked some more, shopped, cleaned again, cooked and ????, oh yeah...cooked. Wait a minute..going back to work will be easy compared to the work I did at home..hahahahaha

I'm not going to look back at last year much cause it is time to look forward. I want to spend less time on this cancer stuff but I some how know that won't happen. I'm really going to try to be more involved in the race for the cure this year. Perhaps even do a little running but I've got to lose this chemo weight of mine first. Ok, chemo and holiday weight..everything taste so good now that I got my taste buds back. I know I'll feel better if I take some of this off.

Well, Happy New Year everyone. No looking back cause didn't a song say.."You can never look back, never look back"?

There's Right and Wrong

It has been quite the Christmas here. A week before Christmas my right side ribs started to hurt. I can't tell you how scared I was about this. Cancer can travel and mine did before surgery, chemo and rads, it traveled to my lympnodes. I was scared now that it wasn't gone and had traveled to my ribs and that I now had bone cancer. But, being the stubborn dutchmen that I am, I didn't call the doc till after Christmas.

So I called and the nurse told me not to worry cause it could be just scar tissue building up. Ok, I thought, it's all fine. The, not even two hours later she calls me and tells me I have to have a chest x-ray. Now, I'm worried...big time. So we went and it was easy cheesy and they told me the results would be in the next day. I can't believed I even slept that night, so much on my mind.

Woke up bright and early, waited till after noon and I called. Everything was fine. The x-rayed showed nothing on my ribs. Hallelujah!!!! I was so worried and Ken was too. I know I could do the bone cancer but I just don't want to. I just want to be normal for awhile and enjoy life.

So that was the right and now the wrong..Amber lost her baby. Yes, I know all the it's for the best things but I am not happy about this. I know, I know, they can keep trying but..but... I guess I'll have to understand God's wishes here even if I don't like it. Amber and Josh are taking fine so I'm ok with it but my heart just breaks each time I think of it.

Merry Christmas

Just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas even if it is a day late. Our house was full and I believed I cooked for three days straight. I think it would have been easier to go to work then to do all the cooking..hahahaha

I tried to cook less, really I did but each time I opened the cook book there was something else that I HAD to make popped up. There was green wreath cookies, sugar and short bread. Four pumpkin pies that where made fresh from pumpkins. There was also the fluffy cheese cake that my mother would make every year. I also had to make my own carmel apple bread and banana bread, two loafs of each. Then on the big day there was ham, taters, rolls and veggies. What an eating holiday this was.

So, now the day after and the cupboards are bare....that in it's self is the best gift that I got this Christmas...

Christmas Time Is Here

Wow, I can't believe how fast time is flying. It's almost Christmas and I haven't begun shopping..LOL I started thinking, it's almost a year now since I started this cancer thing. Last year, after Christmas was when we found the tumor. What a year this has been! I can't believe I made it this far but since I did, I think I'll hang around for awhile. Here's some pictures that the crook who took them finally gave up at a price! I'm not going to go into this but just a word of caustion..TAKE PICTURE EVEN WHEN THEY SAY>>NO PICTURES!!!

Give Me A "G"

First off, my mammogram came back normal, which is super duper news in it's self. Next bit of news is..I'm going to be Grandma. Amber called and told me this week, she should be due in June or July. I cried again, just like at her wedding. I can't believe what a sobbing thing I've become. It's just not right what those drugs are doing to my system. And, the new drugs are working great except for the fact they will be costing me.

Now back to this Grandma thing. I can't wait! Amber talked about children like this would be far off in the future. I figured I would live to see any of her children grow up cause she would have them so late in live. I am so excited about this that I went to the fabric store and bought this baby fabric that I have admired for a year now. I was jealous of all the other Grandma's who could buy this fabric but, now it is my turn. I wonder if they make a tee shirt that says..I'm going to be Grandma..I'd wear it.

Girl or boy, it doesn't matter to me. I just want the baby to be healthy and mom and dad to be happy. Of course, now Ken and I are arguing who will be the first to hold this little Nascar hopeful. It will be me..hahahahaha. This is truly a blessing this Christmas. What a year it's been and what a year next year will be. I can't wait!!!