There's Right and Wrong

It has been quite the Christmas here. A week before Christmas my right side ribs started to hurt. I can't tell you how scared I was about this. Cancer can travel and mine did before surgery, chemo and rads, it traveled to my lympnodes. I was scared now that it wasn't gone and had traveled to my ribs and that I now had bone cancer. But, being the stubborn dutchmen that I am, I didn't call the doc till after Christmas.

So I called and the nurse told me not to worry cause it could be just scar tissue building up. Ok, I thought, it's all fine. The, not even two hours later she calls me and tells me I have to have a chest x-ray. Now, I'm worried...big time. So we went and it was easy cheesy and they told me the results would be in the next day. I can't believed I even slept that night, so much on my mind.

Woke up bright and early, waited till after noon and I called. Everything was fine. The x-rayed showed nothing on my ribs. Hallelujah!!!! I was so worried and Ken was too. I know I could do the bone cancer but I just don't want to. I just want to be normal for awhile and enjoy life.

So that was the right and now the wrong..Amber lost her baby. Yes, I know all the it's for the best things but I am not happy about this. I know, I know, they can keep trying but..but... I guess I'll have to understand God's wishes here even if I don't like it. Amber and Josh are taking fine so I'm ok with it but my heart just breaks each time I think of it.

Merry Christmas

Just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas even if it is a day late. Our house was full and I believed I cooked for three days straight. I think it would have been easier to go to work then to do all the cooking..hahahaha

I tried to cook less, really I did but each time I opened the cook book there was something else that I HAD to make popped up. There was green wreath cookies, sugar and short bread. Four pumpkin pies that where made fresh from pumpkins. There was also the fluffy cheese cake that my mother would make every year. I also had to make my own carmel apple bread and banana bread, two loafs of each. Then on the big day there was ham, taters, rolls and veggies. What an eating holiday this was.

So, now the day after and the cupboards are bare....that in it's self is the best gift that I got this Christmas...

Christmas Time Is Here

Wow, I can't believe how fast time is flying. It's almost Christmas and I haven't begun shopping..LOL I started thinking, it's almost a year now since I started this cancer thing. Last year, after Christmas was when we found the tumor. What a year this has been! I can't believe I made it this far but since I did, I think I'll hang around for awhile. Here's some pictures that the crook who took them finally gave up at a price! I'm not going to go into this but just a word of caustion..TAKE PICTURE EVEN WHEN THEY SAY>>NO PICTURES!!!

Give Me A "G"

First off, my mammogram came back normal, which is super duper news in it's self. Next bit of news is..I'm going to be Grandma. Amber called and told me this week, she should be due in June or July. I cried again, just like at her wedding. I can't believe what a sobbing thing I've become. It's just not right what those drugs are doing to my system. And, the new drugs are working great except for the fact they will be costing me.

Now back to this Grandma thing. I can't wait! Amber talked about children like this would be far off in the future. I figured I would live to see any of her children grow up cause she would have them so late in live. I am so excited about this that I went to the fabric store and bought this baby fabric that I have admired for a year now. I was jealous of all the other Grandma's who could buy this fabric but, now it is my turn. I wonder if they make a tee shirt that says..I'm going to be Grandma..I'd wear it.

Girl or boy, it doesn't matter to me. I just want the baby to be healthy and mom and dad to be happy. Of course, now Ken and I are arguing who will be the first to hold this little Nascar hopeful. It will be me..hahahahaha. This is truly a blessing this Christmas. What a year it's been and what a year next year will be. I can't wait!!!

Thanksgiving

Well, the dishes are about done and all our tummy's are full. Everything turned out great and I have no complaints. I worked, cleaned and fed my family all in one day and I'm pooped. This is a day about being thankful, which I am greatly. I have wonderful friends, family and mostly.I am thankful to be here to enjoy them.

I think I mentioned on here about the web site breastcancer.org and the great ladies that helped support me through this. We shared so much of our pain, our sorrow, our plain fact of being scared out of our minds. We shared so much that each one of these ladies I feel close to, a sister. Today with great sadness one of these ladies passed to a better place, a place with no cancer.

She was someone I looked to for always being upbeat and having so many answers to my questions. She had a unyielding faith in God and how He would help her but in the end, the cancer won, or did God win? I am Thankful for knowing this person, for having her touch my life without even seeing her face or hearing her voice in person. I know that I was blessed to have known her for that short time. Jacqniel, you will be missed!!!!!

As I said before and I will say again...cancer sucks. I know that there is no cure and one can only be considered cured if you die from something else. So with that in mind, I am thankful for having enough....

Mammo..Mammo

Well, it's been awhile since I written anything so I thought I better catch up. So far..drum roll please....two Doctors don't want to see me for a year, Doctor Death told me I was in menopause and I had a mammogram all this in the last two weeks. I had complained to Death that the pills they had given me made me itch and had unexplained bruising. They took me off of those and I had to have a blood test to see if I was in menopause. They did it and I am so that means I get to take another pill which (knock on wood) is not causing me too much trouble. So far, it just make me really tired and my joints are stiff. I can live with that!

I also had a mammogram which I might add...sucked. I had three Doctors in the time span of 2 weeks check out the girls and no one found anything..GREAT!!! So I tell this to the young women at the mamo place but she insisted on doing a breast exam. Now I don't mind it much but this women was on a mission. She pressed so hard I think she left bruises. I'm afraid to look and that was just the breast exam. I'm not going to tell ya how the girls looked after she did the mamo...picture a pancake...OUCH!!!

She did give me her spiel about how mammograms are so important for early detection and that I should now have them done every 6 months because I have had breast cancer. I told her that I have always had my yearly exam and as a matter of fact..my last mamo should have pick up on the tumor that was forming but it didn't. I also said that if it was such a great early detection tool, why didn't it "detect" my tumor and why does it fail so many other women? She didn't say too much about that but she didn't say that she knew that and understood my point. So much for their detection tool.

I understand that it does save countless women from their cancer becoming advanced breast cancer but it does fail and the only sure thing is an ultra sound but insurance company don't pay for that as a diagnostic tool. Some insurance don't even cover mammograms and women even go without that. I can't understand it but some women don't get this done cause they are afraid of the discomfort that it causes them even if insurance covers it. Breast cancer causes MORE discomfort then this exam, which is what I tell women at work who tell me they don't have it done cause it hurts. That just makes me laugh but I hope I get my point across.

Needless to say..I'll be having this done again in 6 months, even if it's not the best tool. At least we women have it and I'm still here to rant about it..

Happy Halloween

What a night what a night. The hearse was shining and the skeletons where a smiling. We drove just a few blocks down to the church. When we first got there, well, everyone kinda just stood there and stared. No one would come up and introduce themselves to us. No problem, I wasn't there to join the church, I just wanted to hand out candy to the kids.

By all accounts, there was over 400 kids there and I ran out of candy. We had all sorts of little ones dressed oh so cute. I just wanted to take them all home with me. Dragons, princess, cars, candy corn and wizards just to mention some. I love it! The church even had hot dogs and fixings to go for the people who came there to trunk or treat. It was really nice.

We where off to the side cause I wasn't sure where to park. There was about 20 other cars there also. The church even had candy if you ran out. They just wanted the neighborhood kids to have a safe and fun Halloween. All of the cars there had their truck decorated but everyone loved the hearse.

And, like every Halloween, it rained but we still stuck it out and handed out all the candy I had. I'll be doing this again next year..What a hoot!!!

Drive Your Hearse To Work Day..

Halloween has always been one of my favorite days. You can dress up, get candy and decorate around the house all spooky like. Tonight at work, people dressed up and they had donuts and cider and candy available all night. I had a sugar buzz when I went home..LOL

I didn't feel much like dressing up cause I drive a hi-lo (fork lift) so I decided to take the hearse and just park it in the parking lot. About half way threw the night, a co-worker suggested that I park it by one of the main entrances to the building to freak out the first shift people coming in. I asked one of the supervisors and it was a big..YES!

She told me that one fellow on her line came in and told her that he parked next to a hearse out in the parking lot. He just couldn't believe it was out there and his car was right next to it. She told him it was Chris's over there on the dock and he didn't act so surprised anymore..hahaha.. Guess I must have some kind of reputation.

It was really neat and so many people told me how great it was. One gal on the way out got all scared and wouldn't walk by it till her friend went with her. But, there's always one in the crowd that is now praying for my soul. Yes, it seems that I am now damned for having this car that has nothing to do with ones soul or God but she feels it does.

I didn't realize that ones soul would travel in such a car but I guess her praying for me couldn't hurt.

One Down..

Yesterday I had my first Doctors appointment since I finished rads a few months ago. Dr. Watson was my radiation Doctor. What a swell lady!She is the one that gave me those heart shaped glasses to wear on my last rads treatment. She is so weird and funny! She also talks in real people terms, which I love!!


Anyway, I figured I'd drive the hearse to that appointment so she and the staff could check her out. On my goodness, they laughed so hard. They all think I have a super sense of humor cause I told them all that I was a driver..not a rider.. It didn't even bother any of the people there getting treatment like I thought perhaps it would.

I passed this appointment with flying colors. Everything looked great with no masses or lumps forming. I did have some swelling but that should resolve itself in a years or less time. Now, the good news..I don't have to see her again for a year. YEAH!!!! Next week however is Doc. Death and my surgeon...then hopefully I won't have to see the surgeon again. I know I have to see Doc Death every 3 months for a year and so on and so on...great..

Dr. Watson did make an appointment for me to get a mammogram and I will have to have one every 6 months on the effective breast. They want to keep checking to make sure no cancer and that it's healing right. She also reminded me that in a few months it will be a year that has gone by.

That kinda floored me, a year since we found this. A year...where did it go???? When we found this and when I had it removed and treatments..it felt like forever. Every day dragged on and every thing as a small battle in it's own right. Now, I'm back to work and my energy is getting back. It seems like nothing happened at all. All I have to remind is a few scares, short hair and Doctor appointments that I don't want to go to.

Hope next weeks appointment with Doc Death goes well and it's just another pill to try with no surgery. Like I said before, I'm done with surgery, at least till every other avenue has been tried. I'll just keep my mind on the Halloween and the Trunk or Treat. Our neighbor Bob goes to the church I'm going to. He's cooking the dogs for the event and informed Ken that at least 400 dogs where being cooked. I ran out and bought some more candy. 400 dogs..that's quite a few kids. I'll post what happens next week both on the Doc's and the fun stuff...

Shave and A Hair Cut..2 Bits

Today I got my hair cut. Now you're thinking big deal right, everyone gets a hair cut. Wrong, not when you've had cancer treatment, you're hair is gone. My hair has been coming back slowly and the other day I had to buy some hair wax to keep it in place. It's not long enough, short enough yet for anything but to stick up here and there. The hair by my ears and on my neck seemed to grow faster then the rest and it was driving me nuts so I stopped by the "Butcher".

I go to this place called K&R Hair. It's one of those old fashioned hair places that have all but died out. Two chairs and two great women, Karen and Linda who run it. This isn't your hair cuts plus place where you never get the same person each time you go there. You get the same person..she remembers how you like you hair cut and remembers who you are.

These ladies are life friends. We have shared our stories of bad dye jobs, cuts and sadly out grown hair styles. We have shared our children's stories, our husband stories, or parents stories and our friend stories. We have given gifts, hugs and even advice. We have shared laughter, sorrow, grief, smiles and hugs. We have shared life and all in an hour, once a week, every 5 to six week.

So, this is also the first place I went to when it came time to shave my head. I went there, where else could I go? These ladies are family and they needed to be a part of what was going on. It was sad but uplifting when I watched my blond locks fall to the floor. I knew I was just starting my journey and shaving my head was something I had control over and not the cancer. Beside, I just could watch it fall out on it's own after I started treatment, it would be too heart breaking.

We shared stories of other women who had come there before and had breast cancer and are now just fine. We shared some jokes, laughter and most importantly they told me that I was beautiful. That my head was the correct shape for being bald. Can't get that kinda spirit lifting from quick cuts. Cancer takes away things that make you a women but these ladies gave a little of it back with their kind words of support.

The "Butcher" is what Ken calls Linda cause she cuts my hair. He has always wanted me to grow it out but every time I do, I can't stand it and go to her. She cuts it and he calls her a butcher for doing it...hahahaha. So, I went by there and the parking lot was empty and I figure..what the heck..I'd stopped.

It was great being there. It makes me feel like things are going back to normal. I didn't make another appointment but the day I do is the day things will REALLY feel like this cancer is in the past and my life goes on. I'm staring to look like Chris again, short hair, eye brows and eye lashes. Now the real question is....when can I get back to the number 10 blond I was..hahahahaha...maybe by Christmas, I don't want my hair to fall out again..so I'll wait...

I'll post a picture when my batteries charge on my camera..I promise!!!

No Bones About It

Here's the last addition to the rolling Halloween display I call The Black Rose. I don't have a name for him yet but he's pretty cool. I got him for display for the trunk or treat I'm going to on Halloween.

I called the church before hand just to make sure it was "ok" with them that I bring the hearse. Some people don't like it and think you're into devil worshiping or worse if you have one. Some people think you're into goth or believe in spirits and ghost. To all of those people I say this...It's just a car people..lighten UP!!!!

Anyway, the lady at the church laughed and said it would be ok but now I'm thinking of calling them back and asking how any amps the church is rated for cause I wanta run some lights to it now..hahahahaha. I want the hearse to go out with a bang and since it's the holiday for it, this is going to be a bang!!!

I bought 5 bags of candy enough for about 200 kids or one hungry adult. So I think I'm set, all I need now is a name for the new one in the casket. Got any ideas???? No bones about it....it's going to be a blast....

Falling Leaves

Here we are at one of the last cars shows of the year..The Bangor Apple Fest. It was a great time and can you believe it was 85 degrees in October??? It was hot this year and last year we froze, guess this is global warming fokes

I love the fall always have always will. I don't know what it is about this time of year but I feel alive. Full moon's, crisp air, the color in the leaves and the orange pumpkins, maybe it's all of those thing that make me love fall. Speaking of pumpkins, I went to the farmer's market and bought pie pumpkins. They made such wonderful pies that I went back the next week and bought a few more to keep for Thanksgiving.

It's so hard to believe that summer is gone, that time went so fast but I'm going to enjoy fall. There's a trunk or treat that I'm going to go to down the road at a church. The kids seem to love the hearse with all it's decor so they'll love it more with CANDY..LOL I'm stocking up right now cause I think these trunk or treats draw a big crowd. After Halloween, the hearse gets put up for the season. That's so sad cause I had so much fun but I can dream about next years when it gets a new paint job.

Ok, here's an update on how I'm feeling. I'm allergic to the anti cancer medicine they have given me. I don't know what is going to happen next but I'm going to tell ya this...I'm done with this cancer stuff. Please pray that I'm into menopause so they can just given me another pill to take. I don't want anymore operations cause I have a feeling they will want to take my ovaries out. My cancer feeds on my estrogen that my girls make and that's why we want me to be in menopause...no estrogen. I'm hoping that at the end of the month when I see Dr. Death he will have something else to try beside removing the gals...anyway, I am feeling good and work sucks. We all knew I'd say that sooner or later..LOL

Birthdays..Who Needs Them????

Remember those childhood birthday, I do. My Mom would sit me on the table right next to the cake and take a picture, she did that one time and after that I have no memories of my birthday. Maybe I chose to forget those times in my life or maybe they weren't remembering? I don't have a clue as to why I hate my birthdays..but I do.

It's just another day..right? Another mile stone set in place. Another year past with all the things I said I do but never got to them. One more down and more to go. This is a day we look back and remember the things we could do before we got older....not this year!

I still don't like my birthdays but I think I like them better now. Cancer makes you rethink the whole birthday deal. Maybe, just maybe, birthdays are good. It does make another year that I am here, that I "made" it. I can now look back today a sigh about all the things that made up last year. What a year it was. Who would have thunk it, not me, not even in my wildest dreams.

I still wish that birthdays where like they where when we where children, they where full of excitement, presents and CAKE! That wonderful cake, gosh how I love cake..LOL

Now, don't think I didn't get any of those things today, I did. I had a nice dinner with Ken at our favorite spot, The Elbo Room and Ken did buy me a present, a blender. I made my birthday cake, which I might ad was yummy but this still didn't feel as much fun as when I was a child.

Oh well, maybe the point here is , birthday wishes....I have a few..(smile). So, I'm going to close my eyes and wish for..wait..I can't tell you cause it won't come true...Another year older but not much wiser..hehehehe.

Oh Hell..Hell Michigan That Is

Amber and I went to Hell this weekend..


I thought it was fitting since I've been through hell and back, since I do own a hearse and the car show happened to be in Hell. Just Hearse-n-Around hearse club puts on a show in Hell for the past 6 years now. They had free food, dash plaques, door prizes and also a band called The Hearsemen which we thought was pretty good. There was about 45 to 50 hearses there from all over the state of Michigan, Ohio, Ind and Ill. This really surprised me but then again owning one of these surprises others.

Hell has a kitchen (food store), a ice cream place called Screams, a post office, a wedding chapel and a bar called the Damn Site Inn. It was so much fun! Amber had a great time cause Hell is a busy place. So many people stopping by Hell. One couple stopped to get married, there where quite a few bikers stopping and a car club from Canada stopped. Quite a busy place and everyone asked if the hearses where part of the display..lol

Just like everything in life some of these hearse owners took things to the edge but I can't judge what's right or wrong here. If you can get past the weird clothes, tats, hair color and all the piercing, some turned out to be pretty neat. Here are some more pictures..Amber and I are already looking forward to taking "The Black Rose" to Hell again next year....

What Me Labor On Labor Day???

Me labor on Labor Day, that's just not going to happen! I spent the whole weekend either showing the hearse or working on it. Ken, myself and the car club went off to Belding, Michigan on Saturday for their car show. We had a total of four club members go and 2 won top 20, one being Ken. I myself found a dime in the gas station parking lot so we all win..hahahahaha It was a fun show with so many people stopping and taking pictures of the hearse.

There was another show in Muskegon, Michigan on Labor Day but I passed on that to work on the hearse. The vinyl top is really aging and peeling so I came up with the bright idea of putting truck bed liner over it to make it last just a little longer and seal out the moisture. I put on one can on Sunday and it turned out great! I had to go back over a few spots again cause the cracks where really deep and I ran out of bed liner paint. It looks super and I also used it on the lower runners of the hearse cause it was badly chipped and had a few rust spots.

Guess I could have worn gloves the first time cause now my hands are kinda spotted with the stuff. The can says it will ware off in two to three days..LOL I'm always doing things like that so that's nothing new. It just looks funny right now cause they look dirty but they're just stained. Well, at least my hands are protected from the rain now..hahahahaha

The pictures above where taken at the Belding car show. One is the hearse (of course), Ken with his trophy (He always wins..LOL) and Seemore my new companion. He doesn't talk, eat or needs to stop to go potty so he's perfect ridding partner..LOL

I can't believe that the summer is coming to an end..where did it go??? Oh, I know now..chemo and rads..LOL Happy Labor Day!!!!

Doctor Death Returns

Yesterday was the first time since July 3rd that I had to see DD again. I have to see him every 3 months now for a year, oh boy oh boy! Just like old times, it took forever. I had a 1:45 appointment and we didn't leave till 3. It just still blows my mind that they can just make us sit and wait that long.

Well, I got to see him and we maybe talked for about 10 mins. He said that I look good and then gave me a prescription for some pills that I have to take for the next 2 years. The pills, in the most simplest explanation is, they keep the cancer away. So, I guess I'll have to take the darn things..LOL

All in all, it was a good visit cause I did get to see my nurses who had to rub my head. My hair is really kicking it in now. I felt like a loved puppy with all the petting going on. It did make me feel sad to see all the new faces sitting in those chemo chairs. That was the only part I didn't like about being there..seeing those people sick again and remembering when it was me in that chair.

There's going to be some car shows this weekend but I'm not sure which one I'm going to yet. I ask Amber if she wanted to go to Hell with me on 15th of Sept. They have a big gathering of Hearses in Hell Michigan then. So, I guess we're going to Hell then and making it a Mom and daughter trip. It should be fun!

Now Comes Miles Stones

Miles stones had now entered my life. Yes we all have them and take them for granted but now I can't. Since having cancer, mile stones are very important in my life. First there was Amber's wedding that I thought I wouldn't see. My baby all grown up taking her soul mate in front of God and others. Still brings tears to my eyes!

The next ones kinda weird but hey so am I. Last year Amber and I went to the Metro Cruise in Grand Rapids. The Metro Cruise is an event where the area cars..vintage, hot rods and any other thing on wheels, show up and park and cruise a 15 miles stretch of road. It's a huge event kinda like the Woodward cruise here in Michigan. Last year her and I went in the Jeep to meet our car club to sit and watch the miles of cool cars drive before us. Ken had his car and Amber got to ride in some of our club members cars. It was nice but I did say something to her which has now become a mile stone.

Amber, I said, if I get a hearse next year you and I are cruising this. She was so excited but I somehow knew I couldn't pull it off and perhaps this might be an empty promise. Well!!!! The hearse dream did come true and my daughter and new hubby are going to cruise with the best of them today! With being told that I had cancer in Jan. I knew that a car was out of my dreams..God works in wonders now doesn't he???

Our car club is all set up on 28th street for all of us to sit and watch and the guys have a BIG spot saved for us. This is a mile stone, this is going to be so much fun and yes..I'll post a few pictures of the fun. Here's the web site you can visit which will tell you more about the Metro Cruise..

I'm going to enjoy this mile stone with my daughter with a hot dog , pop and mostly with driving around in my car. Was the cancer a blessing? Who knows only time will tell but so far..it does look that way.

Amber's Wedding Part 2..maybe A Part 3 Next??

What a day!!! I can't explain all the emotions I had but I cried a lot. Ken and myself looked great and it was super to see all the ex family members and my family members again. Ken's daughters came and it was just lovely!

The sun took a dive for the wedding and it was slightly overcast which made it perfect! We helped decorate the alter and the chairs and shortly after that my daughter showed up. I believe I cried from the time I saw her till the time we went home that night. She was beautiful!!! I helped her get into her gown and cried..I cried on the way there..hell I was a sobbing mess(hahaha). Our first stop was at Speedway but not for gas for Kleenex..

I guess it all hit me..I made this...I fought the battle over cancer and made it to this day to see my daughter be married. Thanks to Ken who kept telling me I would. There is nothing like seeing this but I wish she was a baby again in my arms with the whole world ahead. I know they have the whole world ahead as a couple but still..lol

Ps..Next stop Grand babies..so they better get started..hahahahah

Here's some pictures with more after they get devolped..I promise..

Amber's Wedding Part 1

I can't believe that my daughter's wedding is happening. Thursday I went and had my nails done. I haven't had nail since they told me no when I started chemo. They said that my white blood count would be too low and I might get an infection with acrylic nails. I feel so much better now that I have them back. The ladies at the nail shop had thought I died, which I thought was funny.

Friday, was the day of Amber's rehearsal at the church. She and her girl's where getting their nails done so I met them at the nail place. I told Amber that I was taking the hearse but she didn't know what I was doing with it...

You wouldn't believe the stares and people laughing as I took the "Bride's last Ride" to the nail shop. Amber was so surprised and happy that I had did that for her. I made Am wear some thing I brought for her..
Here's some more pictures at the church, wedding party, Amber and her Dad and some of me and the kids. Tomorrow I'll have some more up. We had a great time and the hearse was a super hit with the bride and groom....

Hair Today Gone Tomorrow

Well it's been two weeks since I've returned to work and it sucks..LOL. Ok, I missed it but not that much. The new company that took over cut my pay and raised our health care payment. The lunch room has become a warehouse and they ripped up the gym and it's used for storage. There is so much crammed into this plant that they are now using the parking lot for rack storage. I can't believe it has turned into such a place but it does pay me and I have health insurance.

With Amber's wedding this Saturday I thought I'd go to this shop in Zeeland that carries wigs and stuff for breast cancer ladies. It was a lovely shop full of hair. I didn't want a wig, I just wanted maybe a scarf to wear with my dress. Amber told me I didn't need hair, that she loves me just the way I am.

The lady sitting there started asking me questions and I told her I just wanted a scarf. The prices on the wigs ranged from 150 to over 300. I told her that for a one day thing I just didn't want one. I never wanted one from the start and I didn't feel I needed one for the wedding...I just want a scarf. Well, they didn't have a scarf and the lady said things to make me feel bad about how I looked so I'd buy hair from her.

Just think of how you'll look in pictures or your daughter would feel better if you looked better with hair. I couldn't believe what was coming out of the mouth of this person who should be supporting breast cancer patients. Personally I feel pretty damn good about how I look, I just wanted a little something nice to wear..not a 200 dollar wig that I would not feel like myself in.

I left that store feeling badly about myself till I got about half way home and realized that she just prayed upon my self esteem trying to make a sale. I should have gone back and given her a piece of my chemo brain but I figured I better not. I am proud to be bald..I will not let this poor women get the best of me. I will hold my head high at my daughter's wedding and be proud of her. I know my daughter is proud of me and is happy to have me around, hair or no hair.

Cancer sucks but the people who deal with cancer patients shouldn't. That's my two cents on that and I'll get off my soap box now and enjoy my daughter's wedding..

Starting New Again

I started work all over again new. My first day back no one really knew who I was which was kinda sad. Yes, I did get some people who recognized me but most didn't. Day two wasn't much better either and I couldn't figure out why. I hadn't changed much except for the hair and maybe a few extra pounds but I was still me. On day three I did something which changed everything..I wore the green baseball hat. The dirty, ripped and mostly worn out hat was me!! Everyone smiled and realized that it was Chris and she was back. That's so funny how a hat can be the thing that people recognize you with.

It is great being back to work but I'm tired. It's so frustrating that I can't remember things about my job. I know I'll learn again but it was just wiped out by chemo. Even the names of people I've forgotten! But I love shipping and I love being there. As they say..It's good to be alive.

My whole out look has changed now, when it was so hot at work people complained but I just thought this was way better then chemo. When they complained about things at work or in their lives I kept thinking how great it was to be alive to feel those things. It's is good to be here, alive, tired and hot! I won't take those things for granted again. Live, love and laugh. You don't understand those things till you face something that could take them away.

Next week is my daughter's wedding and I have to settle down and buy a dress. I've been putting it off cause I hate shopping and cause I've been busy with the hearse. Yes, I did get it and I love it. It is so much fun and I've wanted one for such a long time so why not. Someone asked me at work if I bought it cause I was dieing and I was picky about what I rode in when I die. I just about peed my depends..LOL






So, I'm going to keep this blog going and I'm glad you guys have enjoyed it. It is fun and I'll keep it going for as long as I can. Remember..get out there and enjoy whatever it is your doing!! Life is tooooo short....

Finished!!

I ran my race having cancer and did my time and now I'm done. Goody, goody for me! It seems like only yesterday I started all this an now it's ended. I woke up today and realized that I didn't have any treatments, Doctor appointment or anything I had to be at and that felt kinda weird. It is a good weird though.

I went to work today to hand in my paper work and see the nurse to ok me for work. I guess I passed with flying colors cause they are going to let me return. It's going to be strange going back but I really do need to go. My energy is getting back up there everyday and I feel like my old self once more.

I have 4 days off before I go back to work so now I'm going to relax. HAHAHAHA..me relax?? I started painting the inside of the garage cause it looked dirty so I guess that's not relaxing now is it??? Ok, maybe tomorrow after I clean the house or maybe the next day after I mow the grass. Ok..ok..the next day for sure after I go shopping. Wait a minunit..guess I don't relax much..hahahaha. See you guys at work on the 6th...

I owe, I owe, It's Off To Work I go...

I'm on the home stretch now, there's only 3 more rads treatments and I'm done. I can't wait to walk out of the office and be finally done with all of this. There's going to be check ups but not having to go every day well be great. Ken's going to miss the orange juice that I bring home every day so I guess I'll have to buy him a jug of it..hahaha.

Ok, I'll be heading back to work..drum roll please...Aug 6. That's my official day back and I'm looking forward to seeing everyone there. I just hope I can remember what I do, darn chemo brain! My rads are done on the 3rd so I'll have 5 days with no doc appointment, no treatment and no ANY thing. They said I needed more time then that to rest but I've rested to the point that I hate resting..hahahaha.

Amber's wedding date is getting closer now and I have to go to a bridal shower for her. I don't have a clue when it comes to who should be giving what so the grooms step mom is giving it for her. I am really thankful for that cause I know I couldn't do it cause I'm still in pain from the rads. Now, since things are wrapping up with me, I can spend more time helping her get things ready. Amber has been planning this whole thing on her own cause I've been too sick to help in any way.

I guess you can't pick when you're going to get sick. I wish I could have but things will work out. Now the hard question for me isn't should I get up and try to walk but what to wear..what to wear..hahahaha. It's great feeling better again!

Cancer Machine

I have just starting realizing that cancer never sleeps. It's like a huge machine that doesn't slow down but just keeps moving along. After my last chemo, I noticed that new people where just coming in to take my spot. And, now that I'm doing rads, the same thing is happening there. My friends that finished before me, are now being replaced by new friends that have just started. I'll be done with rads hopefully on the 30th of July, if all goes well with the machine and they don't cancel on me.

So far I haven't been one of the lucky ones with no skin reaction. You know I couldn't just breeze through this treatment..hahahaha. So far just my collar bone and under the mountain has blistered and become painful enough that I can't sleep at night. This is still better then my worse day of chemo. I have just 7 more zaps and this is just to the tumor site so my skin should heal up soon.
This weekend I'm off to M.I.S (Michigan International Speedway) for a car show and a few laps around the track in the Nova. This is such a great time and the Road Rodz have such a fun, I just can't stay home. I'm tired and burned but I'm going!

I'm not going to let cancer and it's crap treatments stop me from having fun. I haven't let it win so far and since I can see the light at the end of the tunnel isn't a train, it's not going to win now. The huge cancer machine can just keep moving along without me. I'm going to M.I.S and have me a drink to celebrate my living with this and all my friends who couldn't live with it and have passed to a better place.

Fried...

They told me at the rad place that I would either have little, some or no skin reaction to radiation. The doc also said since I was doing chemo and rads at the same time my skin would react badly. Well, I feel like a fried chicken right now. There's three spots which hurt the some. One being right by my collar bone, there's one under my arm and lastly one under the mountain. The one under the mountain hurts the most and has blistered some. YEAH!

I just can't believe the things you have to go through when you have cancer but beating it is worth all the pain but not the needles. I'm on 23 out of 33 treatments so far and the last 7 will be what they call boosters. They will just radiate where the tumor was so the three spots will start healing after that.

It won't be long now and I'll be back to work. I wonder if I remember how to drive my hilo..hahahahaha. I am aiming for the end of the month to go back and harass everyone. Don't be shocked guys if I don't have much hair. It's growing back but I don't think there's going to be much by that time.

Ken's been keeping me busy lately with car shows and I think I may have even found a cheap hearse to buy. You guys thought I forgot about getting a hearse huh? Nope, I figure you only live once so I'm going to change things around a bit and if I can go for something..I'm going to. Plus, a hearse with flames is one cool ride. I'd like to get it before the 28th street cruise but who knows, I have to look at it yet. And, no..I will not be for hire..hahahahaha