One Week Down

It's been one week since my first round of chemo and I have to say OK. They have great medicines now that keep you from doing everything. I didn't throw up which was a huge scare on my list. It felt like I had a hang over along with the flu and I think I can live with that 5 more times. Ken's been making me get outside if only to sit in the sun and that does make me feel much better.

I went downstairs to the all girl room and have been sewing. I want to finish my flannel quilt just in time for summer..hahahaha. Again, Ken has some sewing projects for me for the hot rod and NO..I can't sew car seat covers for the thousand time..hahaha. I've already got an idea for all the bandannas and du-rags that I have. I want to make them into a quilt but I want it to be more of an art quilt. This cancer stuff bites and there just has to be something good to come out of it, it just has to come to me. I'm hoping the quilt would be something I could show but it's all ideas right now.

I would say I'm ready to go back to work..NOT!! I now understand just why Doc Death said I wouldn't be able to! The chemo makes ya kinda whacked in the head along with draining every once of energy you have. If I was driving my hi-lo, there would be a lot people becoming speed bumps. July 3rd is possible the last treatment so I am shotting for sometime after that.

It is kinda nice that the weather has gotten better. I have small gardens around the house that I can fart around with but I am sure that Ken has a project for that too. He sure has a lot of projects for his chemo girl..hahahahaha

Chemo Toe

Started my first round of chemo on Tuesday and at least I say say round one is behind me. I was a little scared but it didn't take too long and Ken got to watch spike TV in a private room they have for chemo. They have a few of these along a hallway and then there's the sitting are beyond that. I brought my crackers and ice water with me , the ice is to help not get mouth scores. Chemo is crappy but as long as it helps me..then ok.

I woke up the next day and felt like a had a huge hang over..feels like the flu and I have to go out today to get a shot that is going to help replace my white blood count when it goes down. I am really tired but so far I haven't gotten too sick yet, I keep praying I don't. I seem to keep looking back lately but I guess having this kinda disease in your life makes you do that. I wish some dear friends of mine that had cancer in the past where alive today to talk to. I have so many questions for them and I now understand just what was it like when they went through this.

I never understood the faith they had but I saw the courage of the fight in their eyes. It is a fight, and you have to be strong but I still wish they where here to hold my hand and help me with this. Ken's been taking care of me and he is a God sent! I don't think I'd be this well mentally or physical without him.

Well, I'm off to bed but in ending this today, I just wanta thank everyone who asks Ken about me at work..I means a lot to me guys and I miss you all very much! One down..five to go and it won't be long and I'll be back to give ya crap..

Where do I Port At?

I'm starting my chemo on Tuesday the 20th so they had to put this thing in my body called a port. It's the size of a quarter and hooks up to a vein that goes right into my heart. This is the safest way to do the chemo. I can tell ya I wasn't too thrilled about this but again, I'm going to kick the crap out of this stuff so I need to do it right.

Ken drove me to the hospital and we got checked in and taken to the waiting room. They hooked me up to a heart thing and then the needles came. We all knew this was going to involved needles but I could dream..right? The nurse said I needed to be tested to see if I was pregnant. Pregnant??? You have got to be kidding me. Pregnant. I did hear her Right. Because my special time of the month doesn't come when it should anymore, there could be a chance I was pregnant. I started laughing and informed her at after all the operations, x-rays and test, that if I was, it would have five arms and a tail. She didn't laugh but Ken thought it was funny. I can't believe that the nurse drove herself to the hospital that day and didn't ride the short bus there.

The port went in fine and I had to wait to do my heart test after. Everything went turned out ok and we went home. Holly crap but this surgery hurt. It felt like they broke my collar bone. I couldn't move and when I did, it felt like I was going to pass out from the pain. This port hurt worse then anything I've had done so far. All I can do is lay around and pop pain pills and nap but I am sure it will feel better soon.

Well, the port is feeling better but it took a few days but I still don't know how it's going to feel when they use it. Guess, I'll just have to wait and see. I'm already for the chemo and just a little scared about getting sick but I know it will be ok.

Angles Are Everywhere

That is a true statement concerning the Rad Doc. I had an appointment to see her after the PET/CT scan. The office is great, it was relaxing and even had a water fountain. My appointment was 1pm and we finished two hours later. The Doc I met told me she wasn't my Doc and I probably won't even see her again, she was just there that day filling in.

She told us about the radiation and then she told us why I needed to do the chemo. She gave us answer that we needed to know, they why's and how's. Most important and what kicked everything into gear for me, she used the word CURED. She said I could be cured. Cured! Up till now the only word I knew was death! Cure just didn't seem possible and I just couldn't believe she said it. Doc Death never said it and according to the death chart, it wasn't even possible. Cure..what a great word!

We explained to her what we where told and how we disliked Doc Death and the death chart. She told us to give him another chance and it would be ok. Ok, I know she wasn't but at the time she sure did seem like an angle. I felt great after talking to her and made up my mind to do the chemo and everything else that was needed now.

We had to go see Doc Death a few days later to get the results of the Mother of All Test..PET/CT. The place smelled the same, looked the same and we even had the same waiting room. Well, in he came but this time he smiled and seem to have a different attitude about him. He sat down and told us...There was no cancer anywhere!!!! Zip, nada and nill. I cried and Ken smiled and a load was lifted. The cure seemed possible, so with that, I agreed to the port and chemo. Doc Death was stunned but smiled and started the ball rolling. We got paper work and set up the surgery for the port an a heart test.

This is now the start of the 6 month chemo and rad treatment.

Doc Death and the Test

I've been feeling really down lately and after talking with Doc Death, I was ready to give in to the anti-depressants. He made an appointment for a PET/CT scan for me. This is a whole body scan to see if the cancer was anywhere else. I viewed this as the mother of all test, a test which if I didn't pass meant more doom and gloom. I've been feeling like I'm in high school lately cause every test I take, I fail!

Test day came and Ken drove me to GR where the place was located. Everything has been right here in Holland but this machine is only in GR. What a great place! The lobby looked like a 5 star hotel. At the end of the lobby was a huge wall of glass that over looked a pond. It was lovely and relaxing and what every cancer place should be like. This was the first time since getting this crap I felt good and relaxed.

The nurse took us off to a private room and yes, there the needle came out and an IV hooked up to me. I hate needles and I pass out each time..LOL. She explained everything to us and I was disappointed that I wouldn't have some super human power after having radio active sugar in my veins, OH Well that's the breaks. She then said I would be getting a barium (sorry about the spelling folks). All that raced through was head was the dreaded word Enema!!!! Hell no, nothing was going in an out area..nope..nope..nope. Ken also told me he thought the same thing and was laughing. I bet he wouldn't have felt that way if it was him..LOL.

Guess the nurse saw the doe in the head light look I was giving her and she explained that I was to drink it..LOL. But, to make this short..it was a fun scan and a turning point for me..I felt like myself again. At the end of the scan the nurse met us back in the room with an arm full of snacks and juice and pop. I just couldn't believe how nice they made us feel..it was absolutely wonderful!

Next..Angels are Everywhere

Doc Death and His Friends

We had another appointment with Doc Death today. I should explain who the Death guy is so here we go. Dr. Death is the chemo doctor who when we first visited him, scared shitless, showed us the death chart. This happened after I met this poor lady out in the awaiting room who told me she lost her husband to cancer and now herself had cancer and Doc Death was their physician. The poor thing then asked if her hair was on straight and I just about cried right there. The whole place felt like death, smelt like death and the people looked like death walking. And, this is the place I have to go to get chemo??? No freakin way!!!!

We walked in and Doc Death back up nurse popped in and took all the history down and such. She was OK but I just didn't want to be there, I feel fine, I'm not sick..wake me up! Well, after that in walks Death, He made his presentation and told us stuff we didn't want to hear. He said things we didn't know and information we needed but couldn't accept. Death then pulled out the death chart. If we did nothing, death! If we did a little, there would be death but less then if I did nothing. This went on till he reached the bottom of the chart and showed me, if I did everything and I mean everything, less death. Less death but still death. We went home and the blanket went back over my head!

Everything he told me I thought was crap. Had to stop working for 6 months??? CRAP! Chemo and all the side affects??? CRAP! Crap, crap and more crap. I made a call and planed to head back to work, at least, my life was going back to normal even if I had to do it myself. My arm and back hurt so bad but I was driving that hilo even if it killed me before the cancer..hahahaha.

Next..Doc Death and the Test Results...That's all for now, I need a nap...

Starting It All

In January of 2007 I found a lump in my breast. We went to the Doc days later and that snowballed into the journey I am on now. After a mammogram, ultra sound and two biopsy, they told me I had breast cancer and that the tumor would need to be removed.

I can't start to even put into words what went through my head. So many emotions it felt like my head was going to explode. The internet was my best and worst friend. I spent countless hours researching and analyzing everything I could to the point of pointless. I knew everything and I knew nothing. And so in February, the date set, I was having surgery to remove this tumor and be on the road to recovery..or at least that's what I told myself!

Surgery went great and the day after I was resting at home I received the news about the place I work being SOLD! I have breast cancer and the place I have worked for, over 20 yrs, is now being sold and there's going to be a benefit and wages CUT! What the hell??? What else?? I've stopped smoking..hahahahaha This is a bad time for that! I put a blanket over my head and stayed like that until my appointment with my surgeon later that week.

I was looking forward to knowing how everything was going with me so going to the surgeon was nothing to be nervous about. My nerves have been on edge and I've been scared of everything but today they planed to remove the tube in my breast so I was in a good mood.
The mood changed as he was removing the tube and telling us about the stage 3 cancer that I have.

Cancer comes in stages 1 being the best and 4 being the worst and with me having 14 out 0f 30 lympnodes with cancer in them, it put me into a 3 stage. That stage meant chemo and the road I was on just took a detour. I don't mind a detour when your driving, you get to see parts of the country you would have passed but this really wasn't in MY game plan. Back to the couch with the blanket over my head! We made an appointment with the Chemo Doc and Radiation Doc and I made plans to get my butt back to work. I figured that if I could return to work that maybe my life would return and I would wake up from this nightmare.