What About????

Well, this last treatment really got to me. I knew that each chemo treatment builds up in your body but this time it was bad. I'm usually up and sorta running by Saturday after my treatment on Tuesday but this time I wasn't. The Neaulasta shot made my body feel like I got 2nd degree burns on it. My neck, shoulders, back and hips couldn't stand being touched. When I took a shower, the water hurt me and I couldn't stand it. It takes about two days for that feeling to ware off but it really wore me out. I was also more tired and dizzy this time but I'm always dizzy..hahahaha

My sister came over Sunday to bring me an orchid which I will kill cause I'm terrible with house plants. But she asked me questions that made me think..When will they know the chemo is working and when will you be cured???? What do ya say to those things knowing that the answer is I don't know and maybe in 5 years if nothing happens. The term living with cancer hit me then. That's what is going to happen to me, living with cancer. After all this intense care, they will turn me lose and tell me to live my life but if I have symptoms, call!

I have two roads I can go down now with living with cancer. One road would be to think about every ache and pain and call them and have un-ending Doc appointments....OR...Not thinking about it. If you know me, I'm not going to think about it again. This whole cancer thing sucks and I'm ready to be over with it. I'm sick of being sick and I'm just not going to let it control my life. It's taken up too much of my time and money as is and giving it my life would be just stupid!

I do have to wait 5yrs to see if I'm cured. That's the magic time limited they put on my cancer to show it's self again. In that time I could be ran over by a bus or all sorta terrible things so if you think of it that way, it kinda puts everything in it's place.

I wish I had better answers for this but I don't. Wish I never had cancer, but I do. Wishes are like assholes..everyones got one...hahahahaha. That puts everything into perpective..doesn't it???